i have spent two years in my room. you have spent the last two years living; adjusting; becoming the adult that youve wanted to be for so long. you are not a stupid kid anymore. you do not make mistakes that could put you in an unfavorable position later in life. you feel stable and secure in your choices. you are in love. i have decayed - like a mayan temple, ancient and crumbling. you occupy every one of my thoughts. i cannot tell whether i want you to hate me or fall for me again. i want to relive every stupid little thing we did. i don't care where it lands me. i don't care about adulthood. i don't care about making mistakes. i am not stable. i am not secure. i am not adjusted. i need to move on. i need help. i need support. i need medication. i need friends who care about me. i need everything. i need nothing. i need you to tell me when you're going to give up being the bigger person.

[verse 1] oh, they got so skeptical the first time that i said we’d be lying in the same bed by the time the year would end told-ya-so’s are bouncing in my mind the social mastermind can’t admit what she can’t find [chorus] so i went and told all my friends that you’d be there till the end then you went and you damned it all now who's gonna catch me when i fall they were just talking ‘bout you last night but it’s been two weeks and i can’t for the life of me decide if i should see you when i close my eyes [verse 2] you had them en- raptured from the start oh, you played the perfect part what mattered was my heart (oh shit) [chorus] so i went and told all my friends that you’d be there till the end should’ve known you’d shoot it dead this is for every text you’ve never read they were just talking ‘bout us last night but it’s been two weeks and i can’t for the life of me decide if i should see you when i close my eyes [bridge] voices in my head they say don’t worry it’ll be ok voices in my head insist don't let her get away with this look up to them with glassy eyes look back down and DOWN THE WHOLE BOTTLE TONIGHT [chorus] so i went and told all my friends that my wits were at their ends i’m the one who fucked it up, but im still disappointing when i cut and “us” was “you and i” oh, i can’t help but decide that i can only cry in the clarity of stroking shit out to a lie i'm all of this broken mess i'm a demon in a dress i'm everything you love to hate done up to scorn you on a stage oh and this is all for you both our hearts that ended bruised i hope it finds you every time you have the nerve to close your eyes

[verse 1] my heart's an empty hole since you lost your self control and jumped off of that bridge the bay as black as pitch my legs are crossed, the planchet is locked between the yes and the no and i'm just far too afraid to let go [chorus] the flames rise to the ceiling i can't help the feeling there's somebody else in the room am i sure it's you? you long to be belong to me you're scaring me you're scaring me [verse 2] a chill from the open window snuffed out the candles' glow a chill unexpected, but as i reflected i swore that the windows were closed [chorus] the flames rise to the ceiling i can't help the feeling there's somebody else in the room but am i sure it's you? you long to be belong to me you're scaring me you're scaring me [bridge] this isnt love isnt love, isnt love if god gave you back your soul how did you get so cold? [chorus] the flames consume the room i bid a tearful adieu i hold your lifeless, broken body and scream, "oh, why, you wrathful god?" you belong to me down to skin and teeth you're scaring me you're scaring me

[verse 1] you are blurred at the lines in the glow of the streetlights peripheral and indistinct i'm not trusting my eyes but i hope that tonight i can pull you back from the brink were you more than a ghost? just a whisper of smoke- all fuzzy and glowing and warm and did i make the most of the rules that i broke when i dared to behold your form? [chorus] maybe it's for the best that i've forgotten your face because you're prettiest to me when you're looking away is whoever you are the end of the world my fuzzy and blurry peripheral girl [outro] what can i say to keep you running away? the dream would break if i saw your face what can i say to keep you running away? the dream would break if i saw your face what can i say just keep on running away don't break my comfortable ignorance don't wanna perceive you, cause if i believed you id have to admit that i couldnt please you i'd rather forget all the hard-lined missteps and keep the fuzzy, fading good instead

[verse 1] a girl is a loaded gun ready to fire, her wires undone jumping from a burning bridge you love the sinner but you hate the sin [chorus] give me one good god damn reason why you and i are standing vacant in the envy of the sky oh, tonight [verse 2] trudging through your platitudes don't lecture me about attitude cause all i want is all you never need [chorus] give me one good god damn reason why you and i are standing vacant in the envy of the sky oh, tonight give me all your heart and all your soul give me just one concrete goal i've wanna know, i need to know what has made me hate you so [bridge] i feel nothing at all (repeat) i feel nothing at all, AND YOU ARE NOTHING AT ALL! [chorus] so bring your eyes up to mine buckle your knees and decide it's just a matter of time before youre nothing but mine girl, i'll see you in hell demons are wishing you well i'll be the ghost in your walls and feel nothing at all

[verse 1] i'd been breaking down a while love he thoughtlessly defiled loved her bed, raised her child did it with a charming smile i did what i had to do, but now my world's thrown askew love, i'll make it up to you [chorus] gave it all i could oh, oh, gave it all i could oh, oh

[verse 1] please, believe me, i'm not a murderer what i did was wrong! but he'd been enamored with another for far too long, [pre-chorus] as the world burns we sing that love is such a hateful thing so if nobody sees you fall then did you ever stand at all? [chorus] (sanguis, osse!) black as the night- no one is left, and, baby, no one is right! blood and bone your darkest hour alone [verse 2] please believe us, you're not in hell you've gone down much too far so darling, leave your heart on the shelf and bid an au revoir [chorus] (sanguis, osse!) black as the night- no one is left, and, baby, no one is right! blood and bone your darkest hour alone [post-chorus] I DONT WANNA DIE, (PLEASE DONT LET ME DIE) I DONT WANNA DIE (PLEASE DONT LET ME DIE) I DONT WANT TO PLEASE DONT LET ME DIE I DONT WANT TO DIE [bridge] we are one we are all all for none and one to fall crashing waves rising tide watery graves A THOUSAND EYES WORK YOUR PLOWS HIDE YOUR FLOCK TAKE YOUR VOWS AND BREAK YOUR LOCKS WE'RE IN HELL OR SO IT SEEMS BUT WHO CAN TELL THE SKY FROM THE SEA [chorus] sanguis, osse- ran out of fight if no one is left then how is anyone right? blood and bone another night alone [outro] EVERY NIGHT ALOOOONE SANGUIS, OSSE TOO LATE TO ATONE SANGUIS, OSSE YOU'LL SINK LIKE A STONE SANGUIS, OSSE WE'LL GO FOR A RIDE SANGUIS, OSSE AS BRIGHT AS THE TIDE AUUUUUUGH WE'LL SEE YOU IN HELL SANGUIS, OSSE THE TOLL OF THE BELL SANGUIS, OSSE WE'LL TAKE YOU AWAY (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

[verse 1] the burden of blood had continued to grow but was nothing compared to the horrors below! [pre-chorus] what i know what i've seen behind the silver screen what terrible knowledge i glean the lie of the sea my sanity sweet reality bends in front of me [chorus] i never could say i was promised the truth when it all bled away by the glow of the moon i've wasted my chance in the roar of the waves i won't be saved let the sanguine tide erase [verse] i did not kill my husband i did not watch him drown i didn't throw him from the deck seven miles down if you think i'm wrong, then they're in your mind i've seen it happen a million times [pre-chorus] at the end of the world your mind will unweave in tangles and furls of roiling sea [chorus] i never could say i was promised the truth when it all bled away by the glow of the moon i've wasted my chance in the roar of the waves i won't be saved let the sanguine tide erase [bridge] fall fall through the dark far from the stars till death will do you part fell broken the seal defiantly real the screams hereto reveal: you left him alone he sank like a stone twisting and writhing and bent from his bones and you shattered our chains with his shattered remains oh lord, what a shame [verse 1a] sanguis, osse, pestis, caro sanguis, osse, pestis, caro you fell to our tormented city your mistake, but weve no use for pity your black heart betrays your claims of virtue, passion, love, and grace [chorus 1a] your world is nothing but a drop in the sea nothing to live for, and nothing to be! youve gazed to the depths and youve sunk through the maw! and sanity's an effigy, filled up with straw! sanguis, osse sheep in the flock sanguis, osse thrashed on the rocks sanguis, osse the angel of death sanguis, osse with brine on its breath [verse 1b] i never thought i'd know what lies beneath the soot, the ash, the black waves crash [chorus b] crash over me, all of my memories in their gaze singing my dirge, i walk through this purge in a haze [verse 2b] there are two bodies here one stays, one disappears and i'm not sure which one is mine was i ever this thin? was there this scorn within the sunken mariana of my eyes [chorus b] did i fall through the veil? did my destiny derail did the glow of the moon send me here to my doom stare through the mirror, ever getting clearer, i see that the monster they're rearing is me [verse 3b] woke up again today pushed fog of night away i shivered at the things i dreamed i saw an awful flood the world drenched in blood prayed for tonight a restful sleep i lay back down again let fog of night back in but soon was shaken from my peace i thought back to his face his warm and full embrace a man whom i had never ever seen there is a beast in me she longs to shatter free from chains cemented by the brine this girl knew the truth the awful answers to the man who permeates my mind a rumbling begins familiar, and yet my brain is grasping at the straws i've somehow seen before this sight the world abhors across the jagged cliffs i crawl [chorus b] oh, but the waves, they blot out the sun just as in every dream of the torturous flood the maw of the beast is consuming the sky it only laughs when i question it why why, why, why? [chorus] i never could say i was promised the truth when it all bled away by the glow of the moon i've wasted my chance in the roar of the waves i won't be saved let the sanguine tide erase over and over and over and over, and over and over and over and over, and over and over and over and over, and over and over and over and over again, and again, and again

[verse 1] maybe you're a ghost a specter, a phantom of together and alone maybe we were both maybe you're a ghost maybe i was wrong maybe i was stupid but i loved you all the same i love to be ashamed you were always gonna be okay [chorus] who am i to interfere who am i to interfere oh, i don't belong here [verse 2] maybe if i break i shatter like i'm porcelain; i can slip out of my cage oh, and if i'm right and one good night can fix it all i'll be with you tonight please let me apologize [chorus] we could've tried so much harder whiskey sons and cocktail daughters we could've been half as clean as you [bridge] don't you wish that i was gone? tell me all that i've done wrong i get off on knowing everything you hate about me tell me all i should regret make a scene they won't forget you know i'll always be the death of the party [verse 3] blossom, how you wilt the roses stuck in rigor mortis poses teach me how you keep them living [chorus] we could've tried so much harder i could've tried so much harder i could've been half as clean as you dance your gavotte i'll give you everything i've got if you tell me that i'm everything you'll never ever want i am vain and i am bored whether i'm famous or ignored you can tell them you don't love me anymore i'm not scared of crowded rooms i'm not afraid of restless tombs but darling, i am terrified of you [outro] will you come to my show i guess i'll ask but i don't know will you come to my show i asked my mom and she said no if it was so damn stupid why'd we even fucking do it? you don't know, you're not sure do i even want you anymore

i never got you to give up being the bigger person. i got nothing. i gave up everything. i have driven away every friend who cares about me. i refuse medication. i have lost my supports, as if i were a crumbling bridge flinging homebound workers into a raging river. but i do not need help. i haven't moved on, but i am no longer insecure. i am stable. i feel well-adjusted. i have landed myself right where i want to be. this is the adult that i am. i relive every stupid thing we did every night, as i ease myself to sleep. i would be content with your hatred or your love. you fill every one of my thoughts with warm, fuzzy, beautiful, blissful ignorance. this is what i tell myself. i am that same temple, but restored. the cracks sealed away under a vague veneer of beauty. keeping up appearances. you are still in love, but not with me. that's ok. you will go on with your security and your stability, being the adult that i couldn't. that's alright. you are adjusting. living. and i will spend the next two years in my room.