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nature nurture make her hurt her

by callie flemming

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about

when i was 16, i drank a lot of alcohol. it was very very bad for me. i quit for a couple years, but relapsed for one awful terrible night last year due to a combination of a bad personal situation and social pressures from my first year of college. this song is about that night. have fun!!! such fun !!!!!!

lyrics

[verse 1]
there's a place that i go
where nobody can find me
nothing to feel and nothing to see

but the glow through the bottle
held up to the light
and the sting of relapsing on a friday night

i should be on the town
with the rest of my friends
but i'm nursing my spite and my loathing again

everclear, my dear, oh,
how i've missed you
there's a voice in my ear
telling me it's an issue, i know

how it goes

[chorus]
yes, im aware i made a mess
blowing out my sutures
enough about my alcoholic past,
let's discuss my alcoholic future

[verse 2]
it feels so normal, and that's why i'm scared
was it you? was it me? what the fuck! (who cares!)

i'll save the dissection of all my flaws
for the day that i step into therapy's jaws

at the end of the day
i've got to nothing to blame
but my selfish desire to feel okay

i know it's unhealthy, but what can i do?
i'd rather not think than think about you

[chorus]
yes, im aware i made a mess
blowing out my sutures
enough about my alcoholic past,
let's discuss my alcoholic future

did i get it from my mother
or did i get it from my friends?
none of that will matter when i'm dead

[bridge]
i promised you the world
but all you got was me
just a stupid little girl
trying to sabotage her body

tonight i let me down
just like i always have
swear i'll make these feelings drown
swear i'll split this fucking scab

it doesn't really matter
how many sober years i broke
when you're up there ogling at her
and all i can do is hope

im hurtling to my twenties
is it really a surprise?
take a good look at me, honey
am i having a good time?

[chorus]
little miss slack-jawed schism
for a while, we thought you really had it
i never struggled with alcoholism
in fact, i think i was pretty good at it

i don't have a drinking problem,
i'd call it a drinking solution
i feel fine when it's over
i just fuck up the execution

does it matter how i got there
if they like me when i'm done
there's nothing wrong with having just a bit of college fun

credits

released February 21, 2024

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callie flemming Tallahassee, Florida

skeleton playing piano

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